Death

Death.

The greatest mystery of Life.

I never knew how much I feared Death until I touched it. I went through a process before I could meet with it and sustain looking into its eyes long enough to see myself in it.

I spent around a week sleeping with Death at first. Didn't imagine I would sleep so profoundly into the darkness that holds no dreams. I rested with Death after struggling with the idea of it. I surrendered to dying the illusions of how scary, painful and ugly Death looks like. All fabrications of my mind. Stories told by those who came before me, who made their choices and paid what they could of the price. But they weren't my choices.

And so I made the choice to be in presence of Death and experience its mystery through my being.

I started taking time looking at Death while awake. My eyes instinctively wanted to look away out of pure fear. My mind inflamed it with judgemental thoughts of endless explanations to why Death presented itself so densely to me. And while my mind and body was falling instinctively into unconscious reactions, I understood it was fear. I remembered to breath, clear my mind from all the noise I was observing until it went completely silent. Deadly silent.

Three days later, after being able to sit and be with Death, I thought I might be ready to touch it. My body disobeyed my thoughts, expressing its paralysis to face fear. It refused to get close enough to touch it. I couldn't raise my shoulders for too long nor fully extend my arms. My fingers shiverred and my legs twitched. I breathed again, aligned to my center but it was still uncomfortably painful reaching out to touch it. Again my mind started, this time searching for curses that have been spelt in the wind of what might happen if I touched it or stories of those who died tragically after being with it. So powerful my unconscious.

It was with a lot of gentleness and kindness that it happend. As my fingertips moved closer to feeling it, I respectfully asked for permission and only made contact after I was granted it. Another deep breath. It felt it tuff and hard, a survivor that outstood time, but it was also soft. Its surface has been softened by the degrating agents of time until it was smoothed almost to slippery. It required a lot of attention and focus to not loose myself in my mind again, while opening all my pores, lung and heart to experience it fully through my fingertips. Such powerful presence.

And while touching it, I stood tall and aligned to look it in the eyes. Such fine beauty and esquisite design, yet empty and hollow. Inside only darkness. The terror of non existence took over my body. The greatest fear of them all. The feeling of complete and utter emptiness of life, the residue of what once was and now gone. For eternity.

As I allowed it passage, I breathed deeply and stayed patiently with the uncomfort until it became intimate. As we moved closer, I looked at it with eyes that wanted to see.

I saw me in my most raw essence.

Felt its silence.

Appreciated its existence.

It was upon meeting Death that I saw Life with differet eyes. Eyes that have laid itself at rest in the abismal darkness of an egoless existence. Because in the end, we are all bones, dust and alike. So much time spent in Life with useless fears and painful frustrations. Complaining about imperfections and taking things personally. This brief moment of existence spent painfully fearful in the caverns of a mind.

Time also earned a certain urgency. I really don't have time to waste, and yet it's so easy to fall into paralysis. It's a constant interaction and intimacy construct with fear and expectations, surrender and appreciation, purpose and choices.

And like that, I understood all that was stripped away from us when we distance ourselves from relating to Death. Not knowing how to finalize relationships that no longer serve us, put an end to meaningless stories and consciously die all the illusions and expectations created by our ego to just fully appreciate the beauty of ephemeral Life.

I have been on a long journey of dying everything that's holding me back from living Life as fully as I deeply desire. It's been intense years and several spiraling processes. Now I'm ready to birth the new inspired by everything I have lived through my devoted being.

Coming soon... A profound journey into the darkest and most abismal shadows of thy self. It's the only path (I see) to integrate honestly and truthfully into the greatest mystery we all came to unveil: who we are. A couple of breaths and it'll all be over. Do you have time to waste?